Rising
by emmevee
Summary: Jasper/ Alice. Tells the story of their lives before they met each other and then their journey to find the Cullens. Alternating points of view.
1. Decisions

This is the story of Alice and Jasper before they met each other and the Cullens. {I have rewritten it slightly to work out some timing issues.}

All the Twilight characters and main plot belong to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just exploring the lives of my two favorite characters.

Rising

1. Decisions (Jasper, 1919*)

"I can't do this anymore." My words came out fast and jumbled though I knew Peter and Charlotte could understand. All day- all week, in fact- I tried to find the perfect time to tell them the decision I'd finally reached- the hardest decision I'd ever made. Finally I'd realized that there was never going to be a good time to tell them, so I'd let the words tumble out of my mouth in the first lull in the conversation.

Peter and Charlotte's beautiful faces stared up at me. Their confusion infected my mind and I had to shake my head to clear it and make sense of my own thoughts. "You can't do what?" Peter asked, looking mildly concerned.

"This," I muttered, gesturing vaguely behind me to where we'd had our last meal. A group of unlucky workers who had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. There fear was haunting me still, hours later. "Not only killing," I clarified dully, "but feeling… Feeling their terror, their fear. It tears through me. I can't bear it…. I can't…" By now I was more talking to myself than my companions. They had heard my rant before and told me it was unnatural to feel this way, to pity the prey. But sometimes I felt that they were the unnatural ones, they who could kill so easily, and feel no regret…

Charlottes voice cut across my thoughts. "It's who we are, Jasper," she said gently, as though she were explaining the alphabet for the hundredth time to a young, dull child. "You can't change that. You can't change who you are."

I looked away, staring into the woods. I could still feel the horror and pain. One boy's fear had been particularly acute. He was young, not older than fifteen. He was too young to have died.

I knew Charlotte was right, that this was the only way for us to survive. And yet… It bothered me that she and Peter had no qualms about taking life after life. They never felt the depression I felt. Guilt never pooled deep in their stomach like it did in mine. Was that only because I had this horrible gift? Because I had to die along with those I killed? Because their emotions ripped through me and reminded me of that distant, distant past when I, too, was the prey?

My head whipped back to face Charlotte and Peter. "I have to leave," I whispered.

Charlotte gave a delicate eye roll. They were both exasperated and neither of them took me seriously. "What good would that do?" Peter demanded. "You'll still have to hunt."

"I know… I…" my voice faltered, then started up again, stronger. "I just have to leave."

"You're serious about this," said Peter, sensing the resolute tone of my voice. It wasn't a question but I nodded anyway. He closed his eyes. "We'll miss your company," he said softly. The sadness coming from both of them only increased mine, but my desire, my need, to leave overwhelmed all other emotions. I knew this was the right decision for me.

We stood staring at each other for a while, remembering our shared past, saying a silent goodbye. Then I turned and walked away, through the deep, dark forest, away from the only friends I had ever known in this life. I accelerated to a run before the feelings of loss radiating of off my former companions could draw me back.

When the distance between us was great enough that I could not feel their emotions, I stopped. Suddenly, the gravity of what I had just done hit me. I collapsed onto the soggy forest floor and felt nothing but emptiness. Peter and Charlotte were the closest thing I had to friends or family. They were my coven. They had kept that tiny spark of humanity within me alive.

Without them, I was even more monstrous. Less human. And somehow, more vulnerable.

Slowly, the sun filtering through the trees faded. Night was falling.

I stayed rooted in place for hours. A small, irrational part of me hoped that Peter and Charlotte would search for me. That they would pop out from behind a tree with irritation and force me to stay with them.

But I had made the decision to leave them. And they would not follow me.

I rose to my feet and started to run. The air whipped by me.

My head started to clear.

Peter and Charlotte were not my family. When I thought about it, I am not sure they were even my friends. Vampires could not have friends. Vampires could not trust or love. Hadn't all my years with Maria proved that?

Yes, they had been my coven. But a coven only existed for protection. I didn't need protection- I was the most lethal vampire I knew. If I ever was attacked, Peter and Charlotte would've just held me back.

I was safer on my own. I didn't need friends, or family, or even a coven.

Instead of thinking of the vampires I'd just left and the humans I'd still have to kill, I focused on the sounds of the forest. The soft wind brushing me like a caressing touch. The birds murmuring a gentle goodnight through the trees. The rough moss condensing under my feet.

The next morning arrived suddenly, and with it came my thirst. I had eaten less than 24 hours ago- I could usually go at least 3 or 4 days. But this time the thirst was whipping through my throat, more painful than usual.

I looked around me. I had reached the edge of the forest. On the horizon, I could see a small town. The monster inside me growled, but I pulled back. I couldn't control myself in a town. If I had one, I would have to have them all.

For the rest of the day, I stuck to the perimeter of the forest, skirting the town. I hadn't been close to this many humans in a long time. After I left Maria with Peter and Charlotte, we had stayed far away from large groups of humans, not wanting to get into fights with the vampires who may have claimed the areas as their feeding grounds. I could sense hundreds of emotions pouring from the town. They were far away, faint, but I could still pick out each one individually. There was sorrow, pain, fear, but mostly happiness. No, that wasn't quite the right word. Content.

The emotion was strange, bewildering. I hadn't felt content since my human life. Vampires were never content. We were always thirsty, scheming for more blood. And the humans I encountered had never felt content. Who would be content, when blood-thirsty vampires were draining the life from you?

The nearly dead human part of me hardly remembered content. As a human, I always longed for more of everything. That was what had led me to the army- the quest for more power.

I wanted to go closer to the town, to feel the contentment even stronger. I wouldn't get to close. Not close enough to kill. But as I thought this the monster within me roared at the thought. The thirst within me threatened to tear me apart. I knew if I got any closer, I would slaughter the whole town and there would be no more content.

Shaking slightly with the effort, I retreated into the safety of the woods. The nauseating scent of deer and bears masked the sweet smell of human blood. I stood standing there for awhile, my mind completely blank. It would be so nice to stay this way forever. To never have to feel again. But I knew eventually my thirst would force me to leave. To murder again. For now, however, I would pretend my thirst was unimportant. I would pretend that I would never have to answer to the call of the beast within me again.

Halfheartedly, I wondered how long I could go without blood. A week, two weeks. But not forever. I was not strong enough. Despite all the pain it brought, I needed it. I needed the sweet, warm pleasure it brought. I needed the momentary escape from my thirst.

My throat felt as though it had suddenly caught on fire. My eyes widened with thirst. My insides burned.

A noise. In the distance. Voices.

Humans.

Blood.

I couldn't fight the monster inside me. I gave in. It was easier than fighting with my true nature. I could pretend whatever I wanted, but this was who I am. My last thought before I let the animal within me take over was that I hoped I would be able to stop with just one.

And then the first of the humans came into view. I sunk into a crouch and snarled.

The woman looked back at me with her wide pleasant face. Confusion rolled off of her, but there was no fear. _Not yet._ She was trusting, this one. _And that is her mistake. Trust doesn't exist, not in this world._ The small, human part of me that still existed was fighting the monster. It was begging her to run.

Her fear never came, not even when I walked up to her and placed my scarred, deformed hands on her neck. I wanted her to know what I was going to do, so she could punish me with her terror and hatred. So I could feel those emotions that reminded me of the monster I was. But she just felt confusion and, as she looked at my torn clothes, inexplicable pity.

"I don't deserve that," I said out loud. My voice was cold. I tilted my head, my red eyes boring into her dark blue ones. "I am going to kill you now."

"Um," she said in a daze.

And then I snapped her neck.

Sweet, sticky blood poured from her. I sunk my jaws into her soft warm skin and let the pleasure from the taste fill me. She was small. I finished her quickly. Then my eyes narrowed, waiting for the rest of her hiking party to appear. They were calling out to her.

I closed my eyes. I felt their horror before I saw them. They had seen the girl. They had seen the blood on my face. The pain I felt from them was worse than the pain of the thirst. But it was what I deserved.

My red eyes opened. They screamed when they saw the vibrant color. I hoped no one would hear them and come to their aid. _Let them come. They will die, but what is a human life worth? All humans are is flesh and blood. Blood. BLOOD._

The monster growled. The monster lunged. The monster feasted on five humans worth of blood, but it was not satisfied. The monster would never be satisfied.

The sun was falling in the sky and night was coming when I was able to think clearly again. I was full to the point of pain. I massaged my still burning throat. The thirst refused to go away.

It wasn't just a thirst for blood. It was a thirst for companionship, for trust, for love, for all the things I could never have because of the monster I had let myself become.

I burned the mild-faced human and her companions.

And then I turned and walked deep into the night.

*In order for the timing of the story to work, I decided to have Jasper leave Peter and Charlotte at the end of 1919, I don't know if the actual time was ever mentioned in the books.

Please let me know what you think! The next chapter will be from Alice's point of view. :)


	2. Waking

All the Twilight characters and main plot belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Rising

2. Waking (Alice, 1920)

Thick darkness was all around me. I was the darkness, it was inside of me.

And then, your face. It burst into my mind like a crystallized sunbeam, perfectly sharp and clear. Your hair, bright blond. Your eyes, dangerous red. And your scars. Oh, your scars. They should've scared me but instead I felt the need to protect you. I saw the pain on your face and I wanted to hold your hand and make it go away.

As quickly as your face arrived in my head, it was gone. I pulled my eyes open and stared up above me. The sky was navy blue and speckled with drops of stars. The moon shone directly down on me and my body was subtly shimmering in its light. I looked at my arm. Icy pale and glowing in the moonlight. My arm was not familiar, yet not unfamiliar either. It just was. I stared at it some more, marveling that it belonged to me.

Then I looked around me, at my surroundings, and wonder turned to fear. I was lying in a dark area with something hard beneath me, but that was not what scared me. What scared me was that I had no idea why I was here or how I came to be here. And then I realized I did not know who I was. I had no memories before the darkness, if you could call the darkness a memory. My only true memory was the face. _Jasper_, my mind told me, yet I had no idea how I knew that.

I thought about standing up and before I even realized that I was moving my feet were planted on the ground. Moving was easy, quick. Was it supposed to be?

I strained to remember something. Anything that would explain who I was or why I was here. All I knew was that somewhere, there was a man named Jasper. _Jasper_. The name floated around in my empty head, bouncing throughout my brain, until eventually it collided with another name. _Alice_. '"Alice," I said aloud, testing the sound. _I am Alice_. It was comforting, having a name, even if I did not know if it was my own.

Then I spoke aloud the other name, tasting it on my tongue. "Jasper." Inexplicably, my mouth turned up into a smile. _I am Alice. I am Alice and he is Jasper_.

As I stood there, smiling, I heard something. Footsteps. Drawing nearer. And nearer.

And I realized my throat was burning. Burning like a fire. And the owner of the footsteps drew nearer still.

I slipped into a low feral crouch and suddenly my senses sharpened. My throat burned. Fire. Pain. _Blood_. My brain no longer guided my body. Nothing guided my body except my body itself. Its needs. Its desires. They were what prompted me to rip off the head. To sink my teeth into the warm throat. Blood gushed into my mouth. Sweet blood. I sucked and sucked until the body was dry and empty. Lifeless.

And then I became me again. I stared down at the human in my hands and silently let it drop to ground. Shakily I drew my hand across my mouth and took a few careful steps back.

What had I done?

I knew I had to get out of there. But I couldn't bring myself to leave. I couldn't draw my eyes away from the human I had just killed. Part of me registered how I thought of the body as a human, as though I was not human. And I wasn't a human. I was… what was I? A murderer? A demon?

That was when I turned and ran, sprinting out of the alley and far, far away. Away from anything that might spark that feral, animal instinct in me again. I ran deep into the forest bordering the edge of the town, until I could no longer smell the sweet human blood.

Then I searched deep within my mind for an explanation. My mind knew everything. It knew that 6 minutes and 23 seconds ago I had awoken from the dark. It knew what pain was, because I had felt pain before I had killed the human. It knew that around me were trees, and the trees together made up a forest.

But it could not explain what had just happened. It could not explain how one moment there had been a beating heart and the next moment I had ripped it out of the fragile body it was encased in. It could not explain why.

If my own mind couldn't tell me what was happening, who could? I remembered the man's face. _Jasper can tell me_.

And then I was filled with sadness. I didn't who Jasper was.

Maybe I knew him. Maybe he was a memory from before the darkness had erased everything. My mind remembered all 6 minutes and 30 seconds of my new life in excruciating detail. But Jasper's face felt different. Not like a memory. It was more… expectant somehow than a memory. As though I was waiting.

I looked warily around me. Everything was cold and dark, but I had a feeling I was not alone. I inhaled and I could smell something unusual. Not the sweet human scent. And not the repulsing, musky scent that seemed to emanate from the animals around me.

This was a different smell. Intensely sweet and floral, but it did not ignite the fire in my throat like the human's smell had. Curiously, I sniffed my own arm. It smelled quite similar to this sweet floral scent. Did this mean that there was someone else like me? And it was strong, so the person was still near. My mouth widened into a hopeful smile. Maybe this person could explain what was wrong with me. Maybe they could tell me who- or what- I was! I started running towards the smell, the trees whizzing past me. It was getting closer, and closer… I slowed to a walk, not wanted to frighten the person.

There was a clearing far ahead of me and I guessed that that was where the person was. I was just heading towards it. I could just make out a man standing in the clearing. My excitement was so strong. I could feel it bubbling inside me, like I was exploding. The man's head whipped to face mine.

I caught of glimpse of ragged blond hair and an arm covered in scars before he turned on his heel and sprinted away. "Wait! I'm Alice! I know you! Wait for me!" I called, my voice like a bell. But he was gone.

I broke into tearless sobs, my whole body shaking. I was alone and I had no idea where I was, or what I was, or _who_ I was. All I had was a face, a vision of a face that I'd only really seen in my head.

The sun rose but I could not enjoy the beauty of the forest in the early morning. Still, I couldn't stay here moping forever.

An instinct told me not to leave the forest while the sun was shining, so I wandered around the trees, breathing in the intoxicating air. Air should smell like nothing, but instead it smelled like everything. The sharp smell of leaves mingled with the scent of dirt. Even the sky had a smell. I tilted my face up to the clouds and inhaled deeply. Sunlight sifted through the trees and landed on my face. My skin glittered, sending tiny rainbows bouncing around the forest.

Despite my loneliness, despite my despair, I laughed. My laughter was bubbly and unstoppable. I stood there and laughed with joy for hours, until the sun sank below the trees and my skin became flat and colorless again.

I drifted towards the edge of the trees, staring out at the town from where I had come. I wondered if anyone there knew me. After all, that was where I had awoken. Maybe people were looking for me right now, waiting to explain everything!

Bouncing with sudden, uncontrollable excitement, I smoothed my hair, wanting to look good if someone really was there for me. It was such a human action that I laughed again. The motion was familiar even if I could not remember doing it before. For the first time I glanced down at what I was wearing. I had on a straight, knee-length white dress. It was torn in several places- I must have snagged it while running. It was also extremely dirty and covered in the blood of the man I had killed. I immediately stiffened at the memory. If I went into town, how could I be sure that wouldn't happen again?

It was a chance I would have to take. I was filled with certainty that there was someone in that town who could tell me what was going on. Just as I thought that, a picture flashed into my mind, as the image of Jasper had. But that had been a happy picture. And this. Was. Not. Happy. I started shaking at the picture I was seeing. In my head, I was leaning over the frail body of a young girl, my teeth clamped around her neck. My face was covered in blood. When I had finished with her I tossed her body to the side and grabbed another victim.

"STOP, STOP," I screamed out loud, trying to escape the picture in my head. But it wouldn't go away. Only when I was watching me consume my seventh human did I cry, "Alright, I won't go to town, okay, just stop. Please, please stop."

Suddenly my mind was empty again, but the memory of what I had just seen stayed etched in it. I wasn't sure what had made the pictures go away. Had it been my change of decision, or my begging? Either way, I knew I couldn't go to town, or horrible things would happen.

I remembered the faces of all the humans I had killed in my mind. As I thought of them, blurry images fell into my mind. The young girl who I had first seen myself killing was walking awkwardly hand in hand with a boy her age. He said something and she laughed and blushed. One by one I saw the rest of my victims, doing perfectly ordinary things like cooking, singing, sleeping, never knowing how close they had been to death.

Were the pictures in my head real?

Or was I insane? Truthfully, I _was_ probably insane, but that didn't mean they weren't real. These things I saw felt definite, like they were happening as I thought them or were going to happen.

My mouth widened into a grin. I hadn't killed those humans. I hadn't killed them and now they were happy and _alive_. I didn't have to murder them. It was a choice. And I had made my decision. I laughed again. I had laughed a lot for only being alive for less than a day. The thought made me laugh more.

The tinkling, joyous laughter was just fading from my lips when venom pooled in my mouth. I smelled the human before I saw him. And he was dead before I had time to stop myself.

Suddenly the forest around me disappeared, to be replaced with a group of seven people standing in a white house. I couldn't tell if they were human or like me until and shaft of sunlight broke through a window and their skin sparkled like mine had in the moonlight. Their mouths were moving but I couldn't hear what they were saying. This scene wasn't sharp like _his _face had been. It was blurry around the edges and the colors were dull. But the people seemed important and I longed to hear what they were saying. I longed to be standing in that room with them, safe and with others who were like me. But then the scene broke and the forest reappeared around me.

And I was still alone. But I felt lonelier than before because I'd glimpsed a family that I desperately wanted to be part of, though I had no idea where they were or how to find them.

The sun shot over the horizon and the sky turned pinky-orange. A new day was beginning. That was when I swore to myself that I would find them. First I would find Jasper, since his face had been clearest. Then I would find the family. I smiled and knew that someday they would be _my _family. Someday, I would not be alone.

The third day of my life had begun.

**Please review and let me know what you think :)**


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